Integrity Registry Press, LLC.

Excerpt from Chapter 11,“The Generous Prenup: How to Support your Marriage and Avoid the Pitfalls.”

People are now calling divorce of an older couple a “gray divorce.” Similarly, I call a prenup between seniors planning to marry a “gray prenup.” Similar to a gray divorce, a gray prenup has its own particular issues and challenges.

When older people (in their 50s, 60s, 70s, and beyond) get married, they often have children from previous marriages. Their financial loyalty is divided between their children and their new spouse. They generally wish to give and secure a financial legacy for their children. Hence the need for a prenup.

If their first spouse has died, the person considering a prenup may think of part of the premarital assets they inherited from their deceased spouse as coming from the children’s deceased parent. They may feel they morally owe it to the children of that marriage. They may want to help their children establish themselves in life, including helping them with buying a first home or setting up a business. They may want to provide financial assistance and support for their children’s children.

The senior who is remarrying also wants to make sure their new spouse is both secure in their life together and protected if the elder spouse dies before the new spouse. Some seniors are financially secure, and some are not. Sometimes they have a fairly equal level of assets, and sometimes they do not.

Creating goodwill and peace by balancing the financial loyalties. In order to meet the interests of loyalty to each other and loyalty to the children from their previous marriages, a balance needs to be struck. Balancing these competing interests is a frequent challenge in later-in-life marriages. These may be the primary objectives in formulating a gray prenup.

Good prenups should handle this balance in a sensible and coherent way. This can be done by formulating and memorializing the basic terms of a mutually conceived estate plan in a prenup. There are many horror stories about seniors that remarry who disinherit their children in favor of their new spouse. Creating a reasonable balance of inheritance upon death goes a long way to creating goodwill between the children of one spouse and the new spouse. In this way, prenups can create peace among and with the grown children of senior newlyweds. This peace within the blended families can further support, protect, and help sustain the upcoming marriage.

Think about the well-being of your new (gray) spouse. But sometimes the financial needs of seniors themselves must be the primary aim in a gray marriage because of lack of assets or income of one or both of the spouses. It is important for spouses (even gray spouses) to take care of each other during their lives together. After all, one of the purposes of marriage is to support, sustain, and protect each other. This chapter describes some of the options that can be established in a prenup (or outside of a prenup) that can help provide security and mutual support for the gray spouses and also meet their aims with regard to their children from their previous marriages in an orderly and thoughtful way.

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